Hook up vs rape

We can involve respectful communication in our dating lives. We can declare and demand consent in our own sex lives. And we can stand up for those who have had their choice taken away. We can stop something as healthy and empowering as consensual hookups from becoming clouded with something as harmful as rape culture.

Exploring the Influence of Hookup Culture on Female and Male Rape Myths.

I say that because I represented at court-martial a 19 year old sailor who was told by a woman she wanted to have sex with him they had already had sex several times in recent weeks after he asked her. He asked her in a public place with others walking around. Even though her eyes and mouth said yes she really did not want to have sex with him. Only after he began to act on her consent did she tell him no and for that he was charged with attempted rape.

Bold Moves to End Sexual Violence: Separating Hook-Up Culture from Rape Culture - Ms. Magazine Blog

The judge said he had to do that since no sane rational jury could find my client guilty based on her own testimony. Fortunately after some were arrested the DA dropped the charges as one of the men had recorded what had happened and the coed after see the recording confessed she lied.

Interestingly the DA did not prosecute her, saying she had mental issues. Bold Moves to End Sexual Violence: September 1, at 6: Marching On for Working Moms. The Inherent Sexism of Inanimate Objects.

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  • the voice of dissent.

A Provocation Keeping Score: Feminist Campus Blog Organizing on Campus: In American Hookup , sociologist Lisa Wade explores a topic on which many opine but on which the research literature is less often invoked: The result is a compelling narrative that is at times heartbreaking and at other times nothing short of hilarious. Instead, the problem is the hookup culture, a set of shared understandings and norms about whether and how to hook up that pervades most American college campuses.

By contrast, the two commuter campuses Wade visited were less thoroughly in the grip of the hookup culture. For the bulk of the book, however, traditional-aged students on four-year residential campuses are treated as the normal college student, a framing that some might find out of step with changing demographics of students in higher education.

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I left this chapter with questions about whether this reading of the role of fun in college overestimates the importance of culture and downplays the structural realities that drive students to go to college and whether the narrative emphasizing fun speaks primarily to young, white, middle-class students or is inclusive of students of a wider set of backgrounds. In chapters 4 and 5 Wade discusses two different orientations to the hookup culture: The attention to students who opt out of active participation in the hookup culture is a needed antidote to handwringing—both on the part of students and columnists—about the idea that everyone is doing it.

In the next few chapters, Wade explores the emotional impacts of the hookup culture. In chapter 6 she cracks the veneer of carelessness that characterizes hookups and, to borrow her temperature metaphor, gets at how students actively work to keep their sex lives hot and their hearts cold.

Wade further explores gender asymmetries in engagement in the hookup culture, finding that in heterosexual hookups, male pleasure is centered and female pleasure is often an afterthought at best and shamed and denigrated at worst. Wade, citing student conversations, shows how hooking up is related to status and how men strategically prioritize their pleasure as a way to stay on top of the social hierarchy.

Here again she draws out important findings about the gender asymmetries e. Chapter 9 is by far the most harrowing part of the book. Those who are survivors or simply faint of heart may want to exercise care when approaching this chapter.

I found it upsetting to read the gut-wrenching stories students shared of violations ranging from lack of enthusiastic, affirmative consent to brutal rape. In the final chapter Wade shares the results of her follow-up interviews with some of her original participants, most of whom had since graduated. She traces how members of the different groups—enthusiasts, dabblers, and abstainers—approached the hookup culture through the rest of their undergraduate careers.